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Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadClass() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnAPI.php on line 299

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 157

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 159

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadClass() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnAPI.php on line 300

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 157

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 159

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadClass() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnAPI.php on line 301

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 157

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 159

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadClass() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnAPI.php on line 302

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 157

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 159

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Declaration of PNObjectArray::setData() should be compatible with PNObject::setData($data, $cache = false) in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/PNObjectArray.class.php on line 507

Strict Standards: Declaration of PNObjectArray::get() should be compatible with & PNObject::get($key = 0, $field = 'id', $force = false) in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/PNObjectArray.class.php on line 507

Strict Standards: Declaration of PNObjectArray::getWhere() should be compatible with & PNObject::getWhere($where) in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/PNObjectArray.class.php on line 507

Strict Standards: Declaration of PNObjectArray::select() should be compatible with & PNObject::select($key, $field = 'id', $where = '') in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/PNObjectArray.class.php on line 507

Strict Standards: Declaration of PNObjectArray::getDataField() should be compatible with PNObject::getDataField($key, $default = NULL) in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/PNObjectArray.class.php on line 507

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadClass() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnAPI.php on line 303

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 157

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 159

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadClass() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnAPI.php on line 304

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 157

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 159

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadClass() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnAPI.php on line 305

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 157

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 159

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadClass() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnAPI.php on line 306

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 157

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 159

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::init() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnAPI.php on line 470

Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/classes/adodb/drivers/adodb-mysql.inc.php on line 367

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadOneFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnMod.php on line 506

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFiles() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 93

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 119

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 119

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadOneFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnMod.php on line 506

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFiles() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 93

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 119

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 119

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadOneFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnMod.php on line 506

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFiles() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 93

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 119

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 119

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBUtil::getLimitedTablename() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/system/Users/pntables.php on line 31

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionDBDriver() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBUtil.class.php on line 2952

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionInfo() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBConnectionStack.class.php on line 205

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBUtil::getLimitedTablename() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/system/Users/pntables.php on line 92

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionDBDriver() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBUtil.class.php on line 2952

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionInfo() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBConnectionStack.class.php on line 205

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBUtil::getLimitedTablename() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/system/Users/pntables.php on line 122

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionDBDriver() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBUtil.class.php on line 2952

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionInfo() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBConnectionStack.class.php on line 205

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadOneFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnMod.php on line 506

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFiles() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 93

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 119

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 119

Strict Standards: Non-static method DataUtil::formatForOS() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 46

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::includeOnce() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 51

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 288

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::_is_included() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 290

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionDBDriver() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/system/Groups/pntables.php on line 22

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionInfo() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBConnectionStack.class.php on line 205

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBUtil::getLimitedTablename() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/system/Groups/pntables.php on line 24

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionDBDriver() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBUtil.class.php on line 2952

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionInfo() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBConnectionStack.class.php on line 205

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBUtil::getLimitedTablename() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/system/Groups/pntables.php on line 36

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionDBDriver() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBUtil.class.php on line 2952

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionInfo() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBConnectionStack.class.php on line 205

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBUtil::getLimitedTablename() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/system/Groups/pntables.php on line 62

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionDBDriver() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBUtil.class.php on line 2952

Strict Standards: Non-static method DBConnectionStack::getConnectionInfo() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/DBConnectionStack.class.php on line 205

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadOneFile() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/pnMod.php on line 506

Strict Standards: Non-static method Loader::loadFiles() should not be called statically in /home/www/doc/8520/ooha.de/www/includes/Loader.class.php on line 93

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Magnetischer Polsprung 2012: :: OOHA Satire :: Angela Merkel kann einer frontalen Kollision mit der Westerwelle in der arktischen Tiefsee geradeso entkommen, verliert aber wegen Versagens Ihres Kompasses gänzlich die Orientierung. Segelschiff Gorch Fock, 20.12.2012 Lokbucheintrag von Angela...
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Wissenschaft

Wissenschaft: Magnetischer Polsprung 2012:

Eingereicht von sicherheitssurfer am 23. Jan 2011 - 13:49 Uhr

Angela Merkel kann einer frontalen Kollision mit der Westerwelle in der arktischen Tiefsee geradeso entkommen, verliert aber wegen Versagens Ihres Kompasses gänzlich die Orientierung. Segelschiff Gorch Fock, 20.12.2012 Lokbucheintrag von Angela Merkel
Meine lieben Bürgerinnen und Bürger, ich befinde mich auf der Gorch Fock, mitten in der arktischen Tiefsee. Das ist ein riesiges Segelschiff ohne jegliche Sicherheitsstandards. Verteidigungsminister Dr. Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg und ich befanden uns gerade an Deck, als vor uns auf einmal das Ende der Welt, eine riesige Westerwelle auftauchte.
Ich weiß heute nicht mehr genau wie sie aussah. Ich erinnere mich nur noch an das Gefühl. Es war, als würde ich mich auf sicherer monotoner Fahrt mit meinem technisch völlig veralteten, aber optisch nicht zu toppenden, VW Golf – Cabrio befinden, als vor mir eine Mercedes – S- Klasse aus völlig unerfindlichen Gründen eine Vollbremsung hinlegt. Unser Riesen Segelschiff legte quasi eine Vollbremsung ohne ABS hin und raste dank seiner Trägheit fast ungebremst in seiner bestehenden Fahrrinne weiter, geradewegs Richtung Frontalaufprall mit dem Ende der Welt.
„Lenk!“, schrie ich zu Guttenberg an.
Mit ganzer Kraft drehten wir so schnell und kräftig wir konnten am Steuerrad, das sich vor uns am eigentlich hinteren Ende des Schiffes befand. Aus mir nicht erklärlichen Gründen fuhren wir aber Schiffsende voraus durch das rostige Meer.
Kurz vor dem Aufprall drehte unser Schiff ab und fuhr im 90 Grad Winkel parallel zum Weltuntergang, der riesigen Westerwelle weiter.

-Die z- Achse-

Das Blech quietschte in den schrägsten Frequenzen aufgrund der auf das Schiff einwirkenden Kräfte. Wir führten unsere Fahrt ungebremst fort. Ich drehte mich gerade um, um mich irgendwie zu orientieren, als das Schiff erneut seine Richtung um 90 Grad ändert. Dieses Mal jedoch nicht in eine der hierzulande üblichen x- oder y- Richtungen, statt dessen rasten wir immer der z- Achse entlang durch das Wasser hindurch in Richtung Erdinneres.
Ich machte mir keine großen Sorgen, denn cih verliere öfter mal die Orientierung. Für solche Fälle habe ich stets meinen Kompass dabei. Gefühlte 100m tiefer, kehrten wir wieder ins x-y- Koordinatensystem zurück, allerdings 100m, also eine Ebene tiefer. Merkwürdiger Weise war ansonsten alles wie gehabt, unter und Wasser, über uns der Himmel.

-Die Zwischendecks-

Ach ja, und etwas war anders. Mit dem Erreichen der neuen x-y-Ebene hatten Dr. Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg und ich auf einmal Zugang zum ersten Zwischendeck. Ich war niemals vorher dort gewesen und ehrlich gesagt viel mir auch jetzt nicht ein wieso ich jemals vorher hier sein hätte sollen.
Bis auf ein paar Stahltreppen und Korridore gab es absolut nichts auf Zwischendeck eins.


Skizze Zwischendeck eins

Ich schaute mich um, das Schiff schien etwas an Geschwindigkeit zugelegt zu haben. Und plötzlich drehten wir wieder im 90 Grad Winkel in die z-Achse ein. So ging es nun weiter: 100m Richtung z-Achse, gefolgt von 100m Richtung x-Achse, weitere 500m Richtung y und Schließlich 400m Richtung z-Achse. So oder so ähnlich muss es wohl gewesen sein. Ich hatte die Orientierung völlig verloren. Ich wusste nur eines sicher: die z- Achse nahmen wir nur in eine Richtung. Aufgrund seiner enormen Masse konnte das Schiff nur fallen. Zwar bogen wir auch immer wieder in tiefergelegene Ebenen des x-y-Systems ein, so dass sich unsere Fahrt völlig normal anfühlte, mein Kopf wusste jedoch: so kommen wir nie mehr zurück nach Hause!
Das beunruhigte mich etwas, allerdings nur etwas, denn dank meines Kompasses wusste ich Immerhin noch wo zu Hause war. Ich hatte die Koordinaten exakt einprogrammiert. Mit jeder Neuen Ebene X-y-Ebene geriet ich also tiefer in Schiffsinnere. Je tiefer ich kam, desto unübersichtlicher und chaotischer wurde es. Zu den Korridoren und Treppen Kamen erst Kreuzungen hinzu.


Skizze Zwischendeck zwei

Später kamen dann Häuser, und irgendwann ganze Berliner Häuserzeilen dazu. Man konnte durch die Vordertür rein und durch die Hintertür raus auf einen anderen Korridor. Das ganze Schiff war zu einem riesigen Labyrinth geworden. Und auf einmal fand ich mich in einem Garten wieder, mitten auf Deck 25.


Ich war umgeben von bellenden Hunden und blutrünstigen Wildschweinen. Ich wusste ein einziger Biss und ich würde radioaktiv verstrahlt sein und genauso rot anlaufen wie meine Umgebung.
Ich rannte los so schnell ich konnte, kreuzte mehrere Vorgärten, kletterte durch Maschendrahtzäune und Disteln, bis ich über eine offene Tür ins Innere eines Hauses kam. Nach oben konnte ich nicht, das war klar, aber rechts und links das waren eindeutig Möglichkeiten, die ich nutzen sollte. Oder einfach wieder durch die Hintertür raus hier und in den nächsten Korridor? Nein, mit an Sicherheit angrenzende Wahrscheinlichkeit würde eine nicht geringe Anzahl der Ungetüme genau dort bereits auf mich warten, um mich endgültig rot einzufärben.
Irgendetwas musste passieren. Wer weiß was geschehen würde, wenn wir das nächste Mal die z-Achse passieren.
Vielleicht können diese Kreaturen auf einmal Türen öffnen und seelenruhig zu mir hereinspazieren, während ich bis eben dachte mich am sichersten Platz an Bord zu befinden.

-Die Sache mit den Elementarteilchen-

Ich entschied mich die Flucht, rechts den Flur entlang, aufzunehmen. Ich irrte umher und war mir sicher die Bluthunde hatten meine Spur nicht verloren. Wieder einmal keine Ahnung habend wo ich war kam er, der Moment, an dem sich mein Weltbild in Luft auflöste, ich nicht den Ansatz eines klaren Verstandes in mir fand: ich schaute auf meinen Kompass.
Er zeigte in alle Richtungen zur gleichen Zeit.
Wir waren verloren. Niemals mehr würden wir den Weg nach Hause finden. Ich war panisch. Genau genommen war ich mehr als panisch. Ich war außer mir. Ich rannte und schrie gleichzeitig, übersah die nächste Häuserkreuzung und wurde von einem heftigen Aufprall gebremst.
Es war der Kapitän. Gott sei Dank: Der Kapitän.
Ich berichtete mit sich überschlagenden Worten, dass wir endgültig verloren seien, denn der Kompass zeige in alle Richtungen gleichzeitig.
Zu meinem Unverständnis reagierte der Kapitän gelassen, ja fast freudig auf meine Auskunft.
„Das ist ja großartig!“, entgegnete er mir. Worauf eine ziemlich umfangreiche wissenschaftliche Erklärung folgte, deren In halt ich nur ansatzweise Verstand, über die Ursache des Kompass-Versagens. Es hatte irgendetwas mit dem magnetischen Polsprung, der die Funktionsweise außer Kraft setze, zu tun. Und schließlich endete diese Erklärung des Kapitäns mehr oder weniger mit den Worten: „wichtig ist, dass er überhaupt noch etwas anzeigt, denn das heißt es gibt noch Elementarteilchen. Das wiederum heißt, wir existieren noch. Erst, wenn der Kompass gar nichts mehr anzeigt, sind wir verloren.“

Es besteht also kaum noch Hoffnung, deshalb sehe ich es als meine Pflicht an, liebe Bürgerinnen und Bürger, mich gebührend von Ihnen zu verabschieden.

Ihre Angela Merkel
 

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